(Series of Answers by the Scholar Ata Bin Khalil Abu al-Rashtah, Ameer of Hizb ut-Tahrir, to Questions from His Facebook Followers)
To: Lamis Sh
Question:
What is the ruling on losing one's temper with parents and raising one's voice at them? Knowing that they often cause problems which the son has to fix... and instead of his parents caring for him since childhood, he is the one who corrects their situations and behavior? Is losing one's temper and raising one's voice at them sometimes considered disobedience to parents (uquq al-walidayn) and a cause for a lack of success in life?
Answer:
Wa Alaikum Assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
Indeed, Allah (swt) forbade saying "uff" to parents, so how then can one "lose their temper" with parents and raise their voice at them? Allah (swt) says:
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا
"And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], 'uff,' and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word." (Surah Al-Isra [17]: 23)
Allah (swt) has paired kindness to parents with His worship to demonstrate the greatness of this obligation. There are many texts regarding obedience to parents and how such obedience facilitates the path to Paradise by His permission. The Messenger of Allah (saw) said in a sahih hadith reported by Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah:
رَغِمَ أَنْفُ، ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ، ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ، قِيلَ: مَنْ؟ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ قَالَ: مَنْ أَدْرَكَ أَبَوَيْهِ عِنْدَ الْكِبَرِ، أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَيْهِمَا فَلَمْ يَدْخُلِ الْجَنَّةَ
"May his nose be rubbed in the dust, then may his nose be rubbed in the dust, then may his nose be rubbed in the dust." It was said, "Who, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "The one who sees his parents reach old age, one or both of them, and does not enter Paradise [by serving them]."
So, glad tidings to the one who reaches his parents or one of them in their old age, obeys them, and speaks to them with noble words, such that they lead him to enter Paradise. Let everyone be keen on treating their parents with excellence and lowering the wing of humility to them out of mercy...
In any case, if a person slips and "loses their temper" with their parents as mentioned in the question, they should seek forgiveness from Allah and seek pardon and pleasure from their parents. The heart of a parent is kind and merciful; they will forgive the slips of their children if they ask for their forgiveness...
Your brother, Ata Bin Khalil Abu al-Rashtah
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